My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
