woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
