Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
