sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
