she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
