Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
