She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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