I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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