I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
