i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
