it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
