whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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