i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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