We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
