I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
