i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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