Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
