and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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