i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
