Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
