overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
