I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
this just has baby written all over it
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
