i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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