Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
