i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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