I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
