I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
