Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
