i just had sex bonerless
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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