Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she told me i tasted like america
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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