Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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