Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
