hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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