mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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