i think my tv is drunk
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
