batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
