I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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