I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
