I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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