I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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