She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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