When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
