Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Come on in and take your pants off
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