I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
