Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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