I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
