As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
