I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
