Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
