i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
