No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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