I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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