Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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