We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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